I'm on the left, FYI

I wrote this while dressed as Beyonce

“Yo, Katy, I’m really happy for you, I’ma let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best Super Bowl halftime performances of all time! One of the best performances of all time!” –Anastasia “Kanye” Bowden

I love Beyonce.  If I could, I would be Beyonce.  I was Beyonce for Halloween and hot-glued gems to a leotard– while wearing it– for upwards of 40 hours to make it happen because how else could I be 2014 VMA Beyonce without recreating that Tom Ford onesie??!  I wish there were more times I could wear that costume, and the accompanying weave that I bought, without it being weird (though being the weirdest one in the room doesn’t phase me).  I posted pictures of me as Beyonce all over her Facebook in hopes of her noticing and I had no shame.  None.  I’d do it again.

Aside from young Britney Spears (think ’00 and ’01 VMAs), I don’t think there’s anyone else who gets close to Queen Bey.  No one.

Now don’t get me wrong, Katy Perry KILLED it.  She has an amazing voice and it was immediately clear that she was not lip-synching.  Katy is very theatrical and since I’m an ex-musical theatre girl myself (don’t ask questions), I appreciate that.  In other words, Katy puts on a show.  You can watch her performance below and form your own opinions before I share mine.

Like I said, left shark killed it. Uh, I mean, Katy killed it.  That powerhouse voice, the visual effects making the floor appear to be tilting with human chess pieces, the fact that the entire stadium sang part of “California Girls” without any music (I got chills), the fireworks closing the show: it was all incredible.  When she brought Missy Elliot out, I LOST IT.  I literally screamed.  I danced, rapped along with Missy and remembered all of the dances I had to “Get Ur Freak On” and “Work It” in middle school.  I legitimately lost control during “Lose Control.”  I watched the game with 10 other girls and we were all the most excited during the 2 minutes and 35 seconds Missy was on stage.  Missy stole the show and without her, it wouldn’t have been as memorable.

For a very brief second, I thought she did better than Beyonce.  Then I quickly came to my senses.

I’ll acknowledge that the performances were very different right now.  Katy had many different elements working alongside her during this performance: the over the top costumes, dancing beach balls, human chess pieces, giant lion/ Aladdin-Cave of Wonder-esque creature and fireworks all contributed to the performance.  I honestly don’t think I would have been so blown away if she just walked around the stage.

Beyonce, on the other hand, doesn’t need this.  She’s flawless (get it???) and she knows it.  Watch 13 minutes and 59 seconds of perfection below.

Beyonce is an incredible dancer, singer and performer.  Or should I say, Sasha Fierce is all of those things.  When multiple versions of her appeared on the screen, I was captivated.  She didn’t need a smiling palm tree dancing beside her.  She definitely didn’t need Lenny Kravitz or Missy Elliot taking up 3 and a half minutes of her performance to be memorable.  Beyonce brought back Kelly and Michelle.  Yes.  Destiny’s Child.  Need I say more?  Probably not, but I will anyways.  They sang part of Bootylicious together and I cannot physically sit still during that song because I love it so much.

Beyonce is an incredible dancer and she displayed these skills on Super Bowl Sunday back in 2013.  In fact, she danced through most of the performance and I wouldn’t have asked for anything different.  Katy isn’t rhythmically challenged, and that drop while singing with Lenny Kravitz was impressive, but she’s no Beyonce.

Bey also has some pipes on her, and she had a power ballad to close her performance to remind everyone that in addition to her abilities to whip her hair around while shaking that thang, she can sing.

Katy Perry made me compare her to Beyonce, so that in itself is evidence that she her performance was nothing short of amazing.  But I ultimately choose Beyonce.

Always choose Beyonce.

Ugh, can I be her? My birthday is next week, someone make this happen please.