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10 things my resume won’t tell you

As a senior in college, I’ve spent a great deal of time trying to figure out what I want to do after the g-word.  Hours editing my resume, website, portfolio, cover letters and more.

When I apply to jobs that only give me the chance to submit my resume, I fear employers won’t get a feel for my personality or get to know me.  Sure, a resume is a giant humble brag about all of the great things we’ve done for great organizations and how we’re great at it all.  But what about the facts and accomplishments that get left out?

What about them?

They didn’t have a home up until now, but this blog post will be the Island of the Misfit Accomplishments.

Since I can’t send a video essay like Elle Woods did to get into Harvard Law (such a genius tactic if you ask me), I can write a blog filling in the gaps between in-person Anastasia and on-paper Anastasia.

Here goes nothing.

1.  I’m 5 foot 1.

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If I worked for your company I wouldn’t take up much space.  I could also pass for a 15-year-old on most days so if you ever needed someone to pass as a high schooler, I’m your girl.

 

 

2.  I bedazzled a leotard to be 2014 VMAs Beyonce for Halloween and it took me at least 50 hours.

I'm on the left, FYI

I’m on the left, FYI

I’m dedicated, hardworking and creative.  Once I put my mind to something, I find a way to do it, and do it well.

 

 

3.  I sing at the top of my lungs whenever I’m in the car.

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I’m not at my singing prime (throwback to junior year when I was Roxie in my high school’s production of Chicago) but I’ve got some killer dance moves, making car rides a little more enjoyable.  And if there’s a company talent show, I’ll be sure to put on a show.

 

 

4.  I was voted biggest flirt in high school for my senior superlative.

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I’m not sure if this translates well to the job world, but I count it as one of my greatest accomplishments so I’m adding it to the list.  I had no real competition and won by a landslide.

 

 

5.  My favorite movie is Coming to America.

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I can thank my dad for this one.  I have a sense of humor and think it’s important to laugh.  I try pretty hard to make people laugh, though a lot of the jokes I make fall flat.

 

 

6.  I was one of two captains for my high school cheerleading squad.

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Is anyone surprised I was a cheerleader?  Prob not.  I’m peppy and a little bit sassy (okay a lot sassy) but I know how to work well on a team, how to lead a team and how to keep morale up. (Side note: now I’m reconsidering my favorite movie because Bring It On is such a classic)

 

 

7.  If napping was an Olympic sport, I would be a gold medalist.

I know that in order to do a good job, I need to be the best version of myself….. which requires napping as often as possible.

 

 

8.  I’m unusually obsessed with Law and Order: SVU (ily Elliot and Olivia) and Criminal Minds (ily Derek and Spencer).

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This one perplexes me because I get scared if I watch it at night, despite seeing almost every episode.  I can recite the entire opening sequence of Law and Order: SVU and recite most of the Miranda warning, so my memorization skills are on point.

 

 

9.  I won Most Enthusiastic in middle school cheerleading (also captain). giphy-14

I have a surplus of energy most of the time and try to help everyone else be as excited about anything and everything as I am.  Life is too short to be bored and boring.

 

 

10.  I’m funny.

The vast majority of all living beings will disagree with this statement, but my mom thinks I’m funny and I laugh at all of my jokes soooo that counts for something… right?  *crickets*

Now that I’ve written all of those down, it’s probably best that they aren’t included in my resume.  But I’m glad these random facts now have a home.

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What is happening to me?????

Y’all I’m not sure what’s happening to me.

I think I’ve lost my mind.

I am not the same person I was a month ago.  I am different.  Yes, I still despise PDA and I still document it (excessively) on my Snapchat Stories.  Yes, I’m still sassy and in love with naps.

But something in my brain has malfunctioned and I don’t know what to do.  Maybe I’m sick and the illness has seeped into my brain.

I could honestly be sleep deprived and speaking out of delirium but I’m not sure.

Sorry I’m rambling….. I’m working up the courage to say something outrageous.

*Deep breath*

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I’m trying to work up the courage to do it.  Keep scrolling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have a flair for the dramatic if you haven’t noticed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay I can do this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t like every single song Beyonce has made………. like 7/11 just doesn’t do it for me.

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I know, I know.  But something about short phrases repeated over and over and over doesn’t do it for me.

I can dance to it, but I feel kind of stupid singing it………

PLEASE FORGIVE ME BEYONCE!!!

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I really am sorry and I’m going to plead temporarily insane.  Not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect.

Yeah.

I’m going to go with that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or the fact that it’s April Fools’ Day.

This was my attempt at being funny and hey– I made myself laugh so that’s all that matters.

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